In my short life, many people have come and gone. Many of them were close friends at that. I suppose close friends are the ones who know you intimately — the good, the bad, the ugly — and vice-versa, so it would only make sense that not everyone is meant to mesh on that level. However, time and time again, it makes me sad that some close relationships in my life shatter in what feels like rather abruptly. Or maybe the signs were there but I was in denial… The pattern goes as follows: we become friends, inseparable friends, too-close-for-comfort friends, I-forgive-you-even-though-you’re-a-shit-friend friends, *dramatic falling out*, mortal enemies/blocked-on-social-media-level: NOT-friends.
One of my not-friends, let’s call her Monica, I’ve been thinking about lately. She seems to have a new best friend, and the photos of them make me feel a type of way I can’t quite put my finger on. I find myself going the extra measures to stalk so-called new best friend, to stalk not-friend. It even seems like Monica has now moved to my current city and lives but a few short blocks away from me. But our distance is much further than that.
The falling out? Money-related. I’ve found that these best friend falling outs are always either money-, boy-, or jealousy-related. She was our former roommate, turned forced eviction, who then took us to small claims court! How do you reconcile a friendship with someone who took you to court?? Okay, so maybe there were some third parties who were involved, which made the entire situation a bit sticky, and we were just children lacking in proper communication. Reason aside, it happened, and we have not spoken since. We used to be peas n carrots — finishing each others’ food, executing passion projects together, sharing spiritual trips — now we are not even Facebook friends.
The thought of making-up crossed my mind during my extensive stalking session today. I’ve only made up with one of my not-friends in the past and we are by no means best friends again, but we have hung out since then and do like each other’s photos on Instagram… I don’t think things would ever be the same again, though. These old photos… they make me really sad. I can have many best friends in my life, but none of them can replace another and I feel that hole. Nevertheless, I don’t want to let my sadness blind me from reality. Aside from the obvious falling out incident, our friendship was far from perfect. At times I felt drained from the one-sided nature of our relationship. I was continuously let down and know I deserve more than that.
It’s a shame how people come and go. Luckily, there are almost 8 billion people in this world to befriend. I will not most likely reunite with Monica. I will think about her from time to time though, even revisit some photos. And I will definitely cherish the relationships I have with my current loved ones, because I know that not all good things last forever. I’m not saying there has to be some dramatic falling out for bonds to break. My point is to talk about how life is so transient, as well as the things and people and moments in life. There is no right way or wrong way to live; there is no solution but to live. That’s all I have for now.
